I need you!
Tonight I have press previews for my show. This is when all the theatre reviewers and local awards committees come to evaluate your performance – before you even get a real audience. This is my first time back on stage since surgery and treatment and I have a huge role in this thing. I’m really feeling the pressure AND the effects this stupid disease still has on my body.
The 6-8 hour rehearsals, late nights, last minute changes and general drama have taken their toll on me. I’ve been sleepin 10-12 hours a night just to recover. My body aches, I need to wear knee pads under my costume (shut up), and I damn near fall asleep during director’s notes. Even just stretching out before the show, I’m reminded how much this crappy disease still dominates my body. (hmmmm…I can see my toes, but touching them? Forget about it.)
And of course, I’m worried that my performance will show that I’m almost a year out of practice. I envision reviews saying, “Brilliant! Except for the fat, cancer-ridden actress Chris Blumer as Lois, performances were detailed and inspired. Blumer is very fat and has lots of cancer and should stay on her couch and take Ativan. She sucks. Everyone else gets a gold star.” OK. That might be a tiny bit preposterous, but that’s what it feels like in my brain. I’ve never denied my drama queen tendencies.
So – please send me notes of encouragement and porn.