Anyone else crap their pants today?November 13, 2008
(crickets chirping) Yeah…I didn’t think so.
I debated this poop post for quite some time. TMI I thought. But then, after a hilarious support group meeting where I confessed my “accident”, I learned that chemo can cause suprise poop attacks on many patients. I was sure that this was some horrible sign that my colon was failing to do its job and that I’d have to fess up to my Doc and she’d tell me I needed surgery and an illiostomy and leeches. (Yes, I can be a ridiculous drama queen in my head.) But hearing my other cancer peeps share their craptastic stories, put my mind at ease. In fact, my trains are running right on time today and giving me decent warning of their approach.
Yesterday, was another story. I haven’t been eating much due to increased nausea, but pushing my cart through my local Whole Foods, I spied a Chicken Caesar Wrap. Oddly enough, that sounded really appetizing. I dutifully ate half of it and patted myself on the back for eating something real and borderline nutritious instead of my recent diet of Kraft Mac n Cheese, wonton soup and cupcakes. (Can you imagine what I’d crave if I ever got pregnant?!) Good job, me!
I get home (thank GOD!) and I’m unpacking groceries and suddenly I get that “oh no” feeling in my tummy. I make a dash for the bathroom, but OMGOMGOMG I’m TOO LATE!!!! EwEwEEEEWWWW! “HOLY SHIT!!!” I cried, quite lieterally.
I should point out that my condo is only about 800 square feet. Its not like I had a great distance to cover. That’s how quick this damn thing came on. I finished up what leftover business I could in the bathroom and suddenly realized I have a really nasty situation on my hands. And floor. And hallway.
I chucked off my jeans and dumped them in to the washer. The undies? Thrown away! So not worth dealing with that without a HASMAT suit. I reclothed the lower half of me and stared at the shrapnel I must contend with. Where to even start? I employed an army of old towels, wet swiffers, and bathroom cleaner and eventually get the job done, but WOW. Nasty.
So, my fellow cancer peeps – if you happen to find yourself in an Elvis moment like mine, take some comfort that you probably don’t need immediate surgery or leeches. But, I’d stay away from Chicken Ceasar Wraps if I were you.