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Vampire Port

August 14, 2009

I awoke this morning to find that my port has been sucking my blood in my sleep. This was disturbing. The blood in my line, nearly down to the pump, was bright red. Being 8 am in the morning, I immediately starting freaking out and rushed into the living room to grab the phone. Unbeknownst to me, we had carpet cleaner guys in the house and I tred directly across the newly cleaned and wet area rug. As you can imagine, this earned me a serious WTF look from hubby.

Once I realized my error, I simply explained “I have blood in my line and I’m freaking out…..Sorry.” Always understanding, he says “Oh. I get it. No worries.” So, I tromp back to the bedroom, circumventing the rug, to call my Home Health Care nurse, truly hoping NOT to have to go to the ER. Its the weekend AND the Air and Water Show downtown which will mean thousands of SUVs creeping around looking for non-existent street parking. It would really and truly suck.

On the phone, I am cheerfully connected to Nurse Marta, who hears from me regularly and has a sunny voice. “Hi Marta, its Chris. Um, I just woke up and I have a lot of blood in my line.” One thing about nurses. It takes a lot to get a rise out of them. I’ve always suspected if I called and said “Hi Marta, its Chris. I have a massive head wound and I’m pretty sure it was caused my this meteor that just crashed through my roof.”, she’d give me nothing short of a typical coach’s advice. “Ok honey. Throw some dirt on it. Shake it off.”

Marta quickly eased my fears with typical aplomb. “Oh, that happens sometimes. Its just the way you sleep on it.” (somehow isn’t always the patient’s fault!) She asks me if the pump is still running and on the same schedule as when I went to sleep. (yes and yes). Is the bag of chemo still deflating? (another yes) “Its fine. Now that you’re up the drug will clean the blood out of your line. If it isn’t gone in a couple of hours, give me a call.” I hung up very relieved that I didn’t have to navigate soccer moms and overstimulated children downtown. That is until I realized that my oxygen tinged blood was now flowing BACK INTO ME. Huh. I guess that’s ok.

Hubby sticks his head in the door.
“Did I overhear that everything is OK?”
“Yeah. My port just has a secret life as a Vampire.”
“Want me to go to Starbucks?”
“Yes, please.”

and so begins my day.

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3 comments

  1. The experience with the port sounds awful. Will read web site carefully this after . I think we are on the same wave length. Trying to find the humor where we can. I think you are younger than I am:(I’m 71) and I live in London.
    My blog complete with cartoons goes on line over the weekend. Have a look in.
    I keep calling my Port a Power Point.

    Are you using a cold cap? There is a pix of me in my cold cap on my site.
    Have a look. If you do, is your hair thinning anyway. Mine certainly is.

    Let’s keep in touch.

    My blog is cancercurmudgeon. com


  2. The experience with the port sounds awful. Will read web site carefully this after . I think we are on the same wave length. Trying to find the humor where we can. I think you are younger than I am:(I’m 71) and I live in London.
    My blog complete with cartoons goes on line over the weekend. Have a look in.
    I keep calling my Port a Power Point.

    Are you using a cold cap? There is a pix of me in my cold cap on my site.
    Have a look. If you do, is your hair thinning anyway. Mine certainly is.

    Let’s keep in touch.

    My blog is cancercurmudgeon. com

    by Marjorie Walker December 4, 2009 at 6:09 am Your comment is awaiting moderation.


  3. […] of folks like the “vampire port/carpet cleaning” […]



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