The Port Tan

July 29, 2009

I have captured a new look in Chemo Chic. The Port Tan. Those of you who sport an unintended Farmer Tan or any other white on tan pattern that doesn’t exactly jive with your clothing lines can understand.

Back on the 5FU, I had forgotten that “sun sensitivity” thing and didn’t lather up before I walked two blocks to the train on a cloudy day. My pasty white Irish skin was now that blush pink that makes you look constantly winded and flushed. But what really sealed the deal, was a v neck shirt at an outdoor event with my port peaking out reminding everyone that I’m toxic. “Screw it. Let ‘em see!” I thought. Until I got unhooked from my pump today.

 Now my décolletage is a paler golden color set off by a giant glaring white square just below my right clavicle. It is nicely trimmed in a pink halo of irritation from the adhesive and has already started picking up lint from my shirt for added texture and color. Yes, this is The Port Tan. A stylish square brand that says, “Hey look! I could be even paler!”

 The bright side of all of this is; I’m actually outdoors. Doing stuff. Which is mostly better than sitting on my damn couch, popping narcotics and watching cartoons. Mostly.



  1. Hi Chris,
    Just a word of warning. You will have to keep lathering yourself, even your “Port Tan” spot for sometime to come. I have been off the drugs for 3 months now. I thought, what the heck…I am Irish like you but have a little American Indian. I shouldn’t have to pour on the sunscreen…which before “the troubles” I did not have to wear. Boy was I wrong. 15 minutes outside walking I wasn’t just pink I was sunburnt.
    But I am glad to hear you are out and about, feeling better.
    Hopefully, you will be back on Steve’s show giving on some more advice on what to drink.

  2. How ironic. I did hear you on Steve’s show. You sounded absolutley fabulous.
    Hearing a person’s voice does give out a sense of wellness.
    Take care.

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